The Long, Cold Winter: Baltimore Orioles

It was so, so hard to not write OriLOLs in the header. Must. Remain. Professional.

Nevermind. Word just broke that the Orioles have traded Jeremy Guthrie to the Colorado Rockies for Jason Hammel (who has shown flashes of brilliance with zero consistency) and Matt Lindstrom (who is…well, decent, I guess.)

What the hell is going on in Baltimore? Aside from the acquisitions of Wada and Chen, the Orioles have done nothing to improve themselves this offseason. And no, the Guthrie trade…does not help.

The Orioles were humiliated by the American League East last season (aside from game 162). They will be humiliated again in 2012. The Red Sox will kill them. I’d be surprised if they beat the Yankees at all in 2012. The Jays are better than last season. And there’s always the Rays, always beating the Orioles.

The AL East isn’t fair. The Tampa Bay Rays, however, have learned to play the system. The Jays under the reign of Anthopoulos are figuring it out. The Orioles are going backwards.

What looks like a solid rotation simply is not. Now their star and favourite is gone, placing the weight of 162 games on Jake Arrieta, Tommy Hunter and Asian imports Tsuyoshi Wada and Wei-Yin Chen.

Orioles GM Dan Duquette has pushed the Orioles even farther away from competing by not trading Adam Jones at the peak of his worth, and his lack of improvement beyond 2010 will not help.

Everyone else, you know the story. The falls of Markakis and Reimold after impressive big league starts. JJ Hardy and his towering shots…without anyone on base. Brian Roberts is almost certainly busted. Matt Wieters not quite matching up to sliced bread. Josh Bell? We’ll see. We’ve been waiting for a while.

The bottom line is the Orioles are the silhouette of an El Camino in a junkyard sunset. Beautiful from a far, but once you’re up next to it – it smells like urine, the gas tank has rusted out and there’s a mummified cat in the passenger seat.

Long, Cold Winter in Baltimore? More like long, cold decades.

Please, please make it stop.


One response to “The Long, Cold Winter: Baltimore Orioles

  1. I am writing to see if you are interested in applying to write for FanSided MLB. For more information email

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